yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
