After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
