he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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