Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Your cock deserves a montage
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
