Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
