Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
His wife isnโt coming to the wedding! Iโve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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