Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
