Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
