2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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