YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
