Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
