I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
