I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
