I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
