and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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