how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
