The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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