i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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