The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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