She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
