I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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