Moan for me like Helen Keller
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
