I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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