Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
