Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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