can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's get the cat blown out
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
