So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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