omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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