i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
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