mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
