The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
