Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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