its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
