There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
