i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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