i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
