first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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