My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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