In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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