I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
