Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
