I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
