I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
