I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
