i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
