we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
