I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
