don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
