Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
