I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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