i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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